6 And when Jesus was in Bethany at the house of Simon the leper, 7 a woman came to Him having an alabaster flask of very costly fragrant oil, and she poured it on His head as He sat at the table. 8 But when His disciples saw it, they were indignant, saying, “Why this waste? 9 For this fragrant oil might have been sold for much and given to the poor.”10 But when Jesus was aware of it, He said to them, “Why do you trouble the woman? For she has done a good work for Me.
There are songs and sermons written about this woman referenced in the scripture above throughout time and history. She approached the Lord Jesus with all of what she had that was valuable to her. For all of us that is something different, for you it may be your marriage, your family, ministry, and so on. For me it was my pain, it never occurred to me how dearly I held it. It was my identity for a while and as I walked with the Lord through my healing process it became less of who I am and more of who I wasn’t. I was being healed, but still felt defeated. I knew the truth and yet had no where to hold it. My pain, that was what the cup in my soul contained. I mean if I did not hold onto this, what was I going to do with it? How could God want this? It was messy and ugly, and it did not smell like perfume or anything precious. I wanted to hide it and pretend that it wasn't there, and often time I was successful at this. Then difficulty would arise, and my cup would tumble over and the only thing that would run out was all the hidden pain. I had nothing else to give but what was in my cup. How could I be healed yet still so fragile? It calls a familiar psalm to mind Psalm 42, particularly the seventh verse:
Psalm 42:7 The Passion Translation (TPT)
7 My deep need calls out to the deep kindness of your love. Your waterfall of weeping sent waves of sorrow over my soul, carrying me away, cascading over me like a thundering cataract.
Healing happens in layers and we cannot hold on to whatever we think is not worthy of the Master. Our soul cries out to the Lord when we are in need, even if it is a need we are not aware of. I needed to present myself as whole and all the way put together, as though He would not receive me any other way. My hurt was calling out to the One who could heal me, now all I needed to do was get out of my own way. Difficulty rose to a point where I could no longer fake it until I make it, it rose up until I exploded. I did not realize He wanted me to release it and my resistance built up the pressure. I was not resisting on purpose I honestly thought I was doing the right thing. In hindsight I wondered what I was thinking- how could I fake the funk with Jesus? Why did I think that is what He required of me? What did He require of me? Am I really healed? How can I still have triggers in the very same areas I feel I have already processed? I don’t know about you, but my mind goes a mile a minute with questions like this. I am convinced that I think way too much 😊.
Okay back to the explosion, I was faced with a situation that pushed me over the edge. I just let it all go and lost it, crying until I could not breathe, screaming in anger and frustration, wanting the parties involved to pay for hurting me. I must have looked like a complete maniac, but I did not care I poured out what was in my soul at the feet of Jesus. That was what was in my alabaster box, the protected place that contains what is precious. What I have been through at that time was precious to me, it was the reason why I acted the way I did. Thank you, Lord that deep called to, deep and Father God called me out of where I have been to stand before Him with all that I had and just let it out. No matter what it looked like because it meant more to Him and rightfully it belonged to Him. He settled the account for me, took my debt and paid for it with His life so I could live mine. It only required my faith and trust; this woman trusted her pain to Jesus and pleaded with Him to be free. She wanted to live, she wanted to know what life without this burden on her shoulders felt like. What she longed for reached from the text, touched me and I knew then I wanted to know that too. I wanted to live without fear of what was going to happen next, to truly be set free from the fetters of my past. I wanted to be whole and present in the right now, no longer governed by what happened to me. I did not want the draining task of maintaining control at all times anymore. If that was messy, well then so be it healing was not getting away from me! Jesus was in front of me and I was not letting the moment pass me by.
Oh, sinner woman you inspire me you were desperate fearless and unbothered by what others thought of your offering. You pressed through your pride and poured your oil out on the Master’s feet no matter what it cost you.
Luke 7:38 The Passion Translation (TPT)
38 Broken and weeping, she covered his feet with the tears that fell from her face. She kept crying and drying his feet with her long hair. Over and over she kissed Jesus’ feet. Then she opened her flask and anointed his feet with her costly perfume as an act of worship.
Your sacrifice was not wasted, your messiness set you free! They saw shame, waste and an unnecessary display of vulnerability it simply made no sense. Little did they know the scent of your perfume was not detected, what filled the nostrils of the Worthy One was the sweet aroma of TRUST. Oh, how that pleased Him, and moved Him to act on your behalf. He went on to trade places with you on Calvary and gave you back your life in exchange for His.
Luke 7:50 The Passion Translation (TPT)
50 Then Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith in me has given you life. Now you may leave and walk in the ways of peace.”
He made it possible for you to leave from this place of sorrow and find the peace He left for you. Woman you are amazing, and I thank you for pouring out your soul before Jesus first so that I could too. I thank you for being messy and putting yourself out there because the sweet-smelling savor of your faith and trust is like incense in the throne room of the Master. I poured out my fear and emptied my cup of anxiety, the tears flowed and washed His feet. His feet began to glow, and I could see the lighted footprints tracking all throughout my life.
“Nothing is wasted my love, nothing is wasted” I heard Him say.
My faith and obedience had given me life and released His hands to take my place in the pain of my past. He filled my alabaster box with peace, finally I am not afraid.