Yesterday I was preaching, and the topic that the Lord gave me was: "Don't let anyone curse your garden." It was such a great topic, and I learned a lot myself while preparing and preaching this sermon. The one thing that God impressed upon my heart while delivering this message was, what WE say or think can also curse our garden. We often let what others think or feel influence our view of self. Parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, bosses, spouses, children, and church family are among the many different sources of opinions.
No one can tear us down and make us feel worse about ourselves than we can. I often struggled with this issue. Tearing myself down is just as much of a work of the devil as someone else doing it. Somewhere in my life when I was child someone ( my mother) spoke to a space in my heart that was created to receive the good, positive and affirming words that God intended for her to grow the seeds of His goodness he planted in me when He first knew me. Jeremiah 1:5 My mother who had endured severe trauma in her life from abandonment, sexual abuse, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, and more only had her pain to give. She poured into me, her resentment, discouragement, insults, fear - all of her brokenness. Mom was an alcoholic and had NO filter when drinking. She would drink until falling asleep and wake up the next day having no recollection what was said or done the night before. This meant that there would never be any acknowledgment, no atonement, no amends. I was left alone bearing all of the burdens that she transferred to me alone.
Some of the things the people we love say to us will shatter our hearts and leave us broken.
Low self-esteem was the seed that began to grow, I never considered the consequences and experienced healing until much later on in my life when I met the Lover of my soul - Jesus Christ. My coping mechanism became the "clever art" of self-deprecating humor. I would continuously make terrible jokes about myself, drawing from the well in my soul that was only filled with the pain that my mom supplied it with. Others would follow my mother along with my dad, and siblings, there were also classmates, boyfriend after boyfriend, my first husband, spiritual leaders - I am sure you can relate. So I tried my best to make lemonade with the lemons I had been given. I could not take a compliment or receive positive feedback or words. I still struggle with all these things I just mentioned. Last night I preached, and God dropped something in my spirit, a truth that I cannot deny and will not permit me to continue to find fault with myself.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)
We all know this passage it is a favorite of many Christians, it is very encouraging. His THOUGHTS toward ME, His plans for ME, they are good and not evil? He intends to give me a hope and future. Me? Wow. But wait a minute, my thoughts toward myself do not line up with these thoughts that He is having. I don't think much of myself and never have, but here's God's wonderful truth here:
Isaiah 55:8-9 (NKJV)
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.
WHOA! Read that again! He does not think like me- His thoughts are higher than my own! His thoughts toward me supersede my thoughts toward myself and my life!
What I think cannot change His plans for my life!
His word concerning us and our futures are decided and what we think does not sway His thoughts toward and about us. I am determined to ask Him to reveal His thoughts about me to me. I want to line up my mind with God's thoughts. I want to think like He thinks about me. All my negative thoughts and words do is chip away at the plans God has for me and hinders His work.
Lord, bless this well of low self-esteem and heal the waters contained within. What was once negative and destructive please now fill with Your words of hope, future, promise, prosperity ( which is by definition continued success) and provision. Lord, I will soak in the waters of truth and let it seep into my soul and speak life to myself, and about myself.
In the name of Jesus I pray,
Amen
Challenge:
Tools: Bible, journal, pen, soft praise and worship music or instrumental, and a quiet safe place to rest.
Repent of any negative words, self-deprecating jokes, self-loathing and self-hatred you have practiced.
Meditate on the scriptures given here and ask God to reveal His thoughts toward you.
Pray them over yourself
Make a list of GOOD things about yourself.
Make a list of things that you like about yourself.
Share your list with someone you trust.
** I know this is hard to do, start with the scriptures and prayer, meditation and repentance. These things take time but remember it is GOD'S intentions and thoughts not our own. Let Him give that hope, future, and prosperity of soul that you own through Christ.
3 John 1:2 (NKJV)
"Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers."
God bless you all I am praying for you all!