I have to say that I believe in the Word of God and the ability it has to transform us for the better. However, I must also admit there are days where I miss the mark. Sadly, I will be transparent- I fall short of the glory of God. I am talking face first! Smack! Right on the pavement.
This week has been a real struggle for me; I have been experiencing some terrible back pain for days. I am treating it, and my doctor is following me. I am trying to find all these eloquent words to tell you what is going on, but I will say it. Sometimes it feels like I am all alone and five other people are living my house with me. When everyone else is sick or incapacitated, I am right there taking care of it all.
Ooooh but when Mom/Wife gets sick and needs to rest well that is not possible right? All of sudden the world has officially come to an end.
"Mom is sick? This is not possible."
"Can you get up? I am hungry."
"Have you seen my ______?"
"You are still picking me up, right?"
I could go on and on, but there is not enough space on the internet for it. ( yes I said the internet as in the ENTIRE internet)
Instead of me doing what I should - TAKING CARE OF MYSELF
I commence to being the biggest martyr of all time. Joan of Arc ain't got nothin on me. I was doing all sorts of things to try to maintain the expectation that I must keep the world in orbit. I was in agony and would not rest. I realized that they were comfortable with seeing my struggling to sit up simply. I am so angry and disappointed that my family is not rallying around me to take care of me. I am doing so much and pushing past the pain to make their lives easier. Why don't they appreciate me? Where is the compassion?
When the question is really - Why aren't you taking care of yourself? How would they have compassion when you are still keeping the world in orbit for them.?
I Peter 2:23 is calling to me, and I will say I am not entirely aware of what God really wants to reveal to me yet. I am in the deep waters of my emotions, and I need Him to help me get to shore. This verse is ringing in my ears. I am confident I will have a better perspective tomorrow - this is another one of His lessons. He likes to use my life experiences to teach me, probably because I am really stubborn. I am a tactile learner - I learn by doing. I wanted to share where I am right now because I think it is essential for you to know that God does not instantly make things alright. I have seen people give their testimony like God was Puff the Magic Dragon who lived by the sea, and <POOF> just made them strong in Him and wise in every way.
I would be left thinking to myself :
"Welp Tasha, there is no hope for you, you are nowhere near as Christiany as these people (yes I made that word up - so what lol)."
That notion would send me deep into the well of defeat, and I would immediately start packing a bag for the trip to hell I was sure God would send me on. ( I am sooo dramatic - lol -smh)
<Deliver me Lord from the dramatic spirit>
A lil pentecostal humor right there - LOL sorry.
But my friends I am here blogging because I am a tad sick of myself. I need to tell the devil to go to hell and function like I have a God who LOVES ME and wraps me in His arms and I am SAFE there.
Somebody say AMEN!
The truth is:
I am in the deep waters of my emotions, and I need Him to help me get to shore. This verse is ringing in my ears. I am confident I will have a better perspective tomorrow - this is another one of His lessons. He likes to use my life experiences to teach me, probably because I am really stubborn. I am a tactile learner - I learn by doing.I wanted to share where I am right now because I think it is essential for you to know that God does not instantly make things alright. I have seen people give their testimony like God was Puff the Magic Dragon who lived by the sea, and <POOF> just made them strong in Him and wise in every way.
**No, I am not saying your feelings do not matter to God, but your emotions can get in the way of God's process and get you stuck in your pain.**
Jesus at one time did not feel like going to the cross he asked for the cup of affliction to pass by him. The weight of the cares of this world can make us want to jump ship. I love how He shows his human weakness here to teach us that we have to present our will to the Lord, surrender and say " not my will but thy will be done in me, Lord."
Psalm 31:5 "Into Your hand I commit my spirit; You have redeemed me, O Lord God of truth."
The psalm writer needed to be rescued from their enemies - for me today it is the devil and my own flesh. He realized his redemption was in within God. The Psalmist was seeking the Lord's deliverance and help. He knew within himself that redemption comes from submission to God's process. Watch what Jesus did in this next verse.
Luke 23:46 "And when Jesus had cried out with a loud voice, He said, “Father, ‘into Your hands I commit My spirit.’” Having said this, He breathed His last."
What Jesus was experiencing in his body was inexplicably painful. He was dying a most horrible death, and it was all part of God's plan. Jesus had endured all that He could manage in that human vessel, and Christ knew that God's redemption was in the surrender of His flesh to Father God. He committed himself in a state of utter weakness, and in a moment of helplessness to the Lord. Change only came through the death of Jesus on the cross, and it's through His death we are redeemed. Change in our situation will be revealed, by us committing our spirit to the Lord and dying to the pain we are experiencing in our flesh and give it over to God that he may redeem this area of weakness and pain in us.
Mediate on this scripture I Peter 2:23
Ask God's revelation along with me.
Repent if need be and ask Him to renew this place in your mind.